When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
