I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
a search helicopter?!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
