I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
