My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
look no pants
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
