as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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