It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
