There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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