If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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