God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
