You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
