Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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