Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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