My room smells like vodka and shame
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
