I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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