I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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