There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
