you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
