I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
