one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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