why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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