The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
