I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
