I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
