Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
