Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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