I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
