I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
