Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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