Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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