I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
