Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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