Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
