gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
