so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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