Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
