Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
