I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Randomize
