Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sorry about my life...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
