i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
