We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
and you fell through a lawn chair
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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