well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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