Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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