He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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