she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I want to be your penis for a week.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
