I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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