you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
