It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
