i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
