Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
