Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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