Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
