Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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