We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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