The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Less talking, more tequila
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
