The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
