there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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