why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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