If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
