dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
