Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
