I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
