life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
