a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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