I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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