I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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